Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
