two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
