just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
