I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
