Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
