I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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