He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
