so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
