yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
