she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
