She is in my trunk
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
