he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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