So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
