I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
