Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
