Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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