I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
