She said her name was "party"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
this is an emotional support booty call
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
