God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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