I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
