I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
