we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
