what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
