I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
