It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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