Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
