I just cut my nipple shaving
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
