And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
