No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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