i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
