He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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