people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
