my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Barsexuality is the new black.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
