I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
