Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
