ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
