There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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