There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I believe in your delicious
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
