don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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