Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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