there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
well most of my day revolves around power hour
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
