Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
