I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
