we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
