I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
