ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I could fuck to npr.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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