i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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