The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
