so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
