If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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