You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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