She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
