I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
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Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
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It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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