The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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