the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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