dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
