Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize