The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize