He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
