we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
