So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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