Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
