if you like me you must not know who I am
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
