Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
