Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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