Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
