I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
