I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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