I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
