if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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