Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize