Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
