Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
