We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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