just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
