yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
