i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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