This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
