no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize