wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
