I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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