Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
