You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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